Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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