I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
