Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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