THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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