I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
