I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize