We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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