She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
