I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
