I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
this hospital has no fireball
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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