Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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