You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
