ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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