Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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