The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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