It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
