Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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