I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
