I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
