I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
