I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
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She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
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That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen