cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.