Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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