You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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