I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
