I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
