your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
