im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
