I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
