I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
