I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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