He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
