Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
