And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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