My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
