Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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