Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
