Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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