she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
are you so shy because you have an std?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.