Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
