i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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