We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
