i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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