Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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