omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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