tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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