Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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