I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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