i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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