turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize