Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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