I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
