i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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