I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
