then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
