I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
