wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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