The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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