I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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