Pappa wants mamma naked
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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