Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
