You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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