tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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